How to Fully Enjoy Relationships

To Fully Enjoy Relationships you need to start with accepting people as they are. As long as this person’s behavior is not harming anyone else you should not demand that they change just for the sake of change. If you care about this person and you have noticed that you could show them a different way. Then take it slow, describe what you have observed and ask them if they would be willing to let you help them with this change. If they say yes, then calmly start to help them but in a non-threatening way. If they say no, then drop it and let them know that it’s OK as you accept them for who they are.

 

When you give, do it freely:

If you give something to someone you need to do so without any expectation that you will receive a similar item back in return. If not, you will always feel hurt and eventually this will destroy your relationship. This is something that I see happen too many times around the holidays. Someone gives you a gift then you feel obligated to go out and find them a gift of equal or greater value. So, now we each have spent the same amount of money on this endless game of trying to keep things even. Now, that’s a lot of wasted energy. If your relationship is all about the material gratification you will never be able to just enjoy the relationship for its true value, the human interaction and friendship.

 Be respectful in your relationships:

Don’t harbor bad feelings inside yourself. They will come out unintentionally in your words and actions. A friend will know when things aren’t the same. When you describe something that is bothering you, do it tactfully. Remember you are doing this to allow your friend to know how you feel not to lay blame, as the latter will only destroy your relationship. Make sure that this is really something that needs discussing because if you are just whining it will only destroy your relationship.

Temper your timing; if your friend is in the middle of a crisis, this is not the time for you to drop any new revelations. Find a more peaceful moment to discuss any issues that may be unpleasant.  If it turns out that you were the one who did wrong, apologize and do it honestly and right away so you can get past it and continue to grow your relationship. If they are truly your friend they should be able to listen and discuss this issue without it becoming major drama!

 Don’t use your family as an excuse:

If you keep things to yourself and don’t involve your friends and family when you are making major plans, you can’t expect their support when you spring it on them at the last minute. Too many people work by this model and wonder why no one wants to be a part of their plans. They then want to blame their family, friends and everyone else for their misery.  

 Be a team player:

Without keeping score, just be there for the other person that is what relationships are truly all about. Our Friends and family should never have to guess if we will be there for them when they truly need us. This is what it means to be a team player. It’s is just as necessary in relationships as it is in sports.

 Take some initiative for planning activities with your friends:

If the other person has to always be the one to suggest and plan activities two things will likely happen. First: You will have no say in what you do! It will always be their choice not yours. Second: The other person may begin to feel used or come to realize that you are either lazy or have no imagination! While spending time with your friends, become aware of what they enjoy doing.

Have some suggestions of your own.

Become aware of new or interesting things to do around your geographical area and keep making suggestions until you see a smile or spark in your friend’s eyes. By taking initiative for activities you will gain experiences that neither one of you would have had individually. You will also be building lasting memories of the times that you shared together.

 Make sure the friends you pick are Compatible:

This may seem trivial but I assure you it’s not. If you don’t share the same passions, goals and beliefs it will be hard to take the relationship past a superficial level. Generally people who end up being friends over the long run will have these things in common.

I can pick up the phone to this day and talk with friends who I haven’t seen in years yet we can pick up the conversation as if we were still living in the same town.

Why?

Because of compatibility, we share common interests so even though we are far apart individually, we are still interested in the same common things as each other.

As an added bonus you will find that this makes for long lasting marriages as well.

Mark